After having my accident I have been wonderfully reminded that I am not as friendless as I think I am.  I have been wonderfully reminded of how many people respect and care for me by all the phone calls and people stopping by my house to say hello and look at the damage.  It's been wonderful to see the variety.  From the ex-roommate stopping by with a couple of beers to shoot the stuff to my ex-girlfriend staying with me for 8 hours waiting in the ER.  I've had friends come over and talk about baseball, relationships, other people's broken noses, work, video games, anything to help releive my boredom and get my mind off of being hurt.  I'm thankful for all of them, it reminds me that maybe I'm doing something correct in my life.  I'm also very thankful for the help I've gotten from my parents as they have been here trying their best to make sure I'm comfortable and taken care of.  Even though sometimes the exicution of their actions goes a little awry I know that they have the best intentions at heart. 

I've been thinking lately about what relationships in my life are my most important.  With out a doubt my close friends mean so much to me that I can't even completely explain how much importance they hold in my heart.  I would have to say that some of my most fulfilling relationships in life have been my friends.  I guess for me they allow me the space to express myself without fear of repercussions or punishment.  I guess the fact as friends they don't have as much of a emotional hold on me as a girlfriend, I feel more free to express myself and just act the way I want.  Some say that then I limit the amount of emotional growth that I can acheive, I don't totally agree with that as I feel that my friends can be a testing ground for living my truth.  I also have found that friends are more accepting of change in me so if I decide to practice being more concious with my actions they don't take it personal, they just chalk it up to me being this oddball that they have grown to love and respect. 

Here's something totally off-beat that has had me laughing alot also down load the podcasts off of iTunes (Questions 15 and 17 had me on the floor laughing)

Enjoy life and please be safe out there


Pipe 1 - Face 0

Pipe 1 – Face 0

I don't even know what to say about the above picture and how it relates to me.  I look at it and it quite doesn't register that it's me, it almost looks like some sort of crazy super hero ( look out villans here comes captain swoll with his side kick gauze). 

How do you spend your weekdays?  

         This week recovering and getting ready to go back to school

Who lives in your house? 

         Me, two fish, and Mr. Blacktail (a anole lizard)

Favourite pastime and worst job? 

         Hiking,  working for my dad as a kid

Why are you doing self portraits? 

         To see what it brings up for me in my journalling and as a way to keep this blogging thing interesting. 

What does this picture say to me? 

         Beyond the initial F'ing OW!  This reminds me how fragile my body is compared to my work surroundings,  that me and my partner are the softest things on that ship.  This also brings up for me how I have for most of my life thought of myself as unattractive and how I have worked hard for the last 4-5 years to become more comfortable with my body.  That work has led to me being able to keep 80+ pounds off and to wear a smile on a regular basis, two big contributors to better self image.  While I don't feel less attractive now because I realize that this to shall pass, I also realize that continuing to do what I do at work may need to change if I want to keep my self from serious harm. 

A part of me is kinda excited to see what I look like after all the swelling goes down and only the scar is left.  It should be a doozy (13 stitches) and contribute to that tough exterior that I try to put up. 😛

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So it's sunday afternoon and here i am just goofing with this blogging thing.  I read a blog list off of pronia about working a four day work week.  The article is interesting to me on may level as I have identified my self really heavily with my job for the last 7 years.  On thursday night i got hurt on the job, hit in the face with the end of a pipe.  With a glorious laceration and two black eyes any prize fighter would be proud of.  It seems as though when I get hurt my macho comes out in spades.  I guess part of that comes from my dad as I have seen him be in pain from some sort of injury all of his life and just work through it no matter what.  While sitting in the emergeny room waiting to be stitched up (5 internal and 13 external)  I was thinking about the time my father fell off of a ladder and crushed his right ankle, proceeded to drag himself around the house to the back door (which at the time was 3 ft off the ground he was laying on due to having to replace the back porch) get himself into the house and call his own ambulance at the time as a kid I thought that was just the apitome of tough.  I guess what comes up for me when i get hurt is to not look weak.  Which ends up having a  interesting effect on the type of care I get, since I don't end up making a whole lot of noise about being hurt doctors end up thinking that my injuries are probably not that serious. 

I get taken to the nearest hospital by ambulance ride.  I walk in under my own power just holding my face to keep the 2 inch gash from flowing blood everwhere.  I get asked a few questions about what happened and proceed to wait for the next 45 minutes to get a room in what is called fast track.  A physical assistant comes in and checks me out for a couple of minutes and then gets things prepped to stitch me up.  I guess I was the most interesting thing going on in the ER at that time because during the stitch up process I was surrounded by 3 younger emt trainees and a girl in pre-med.  They were facinated with being able to see the muscle in my cheeck move.  Anyways i get stitched up and discharged with no x-rays or ct scan looking for broken bones or possible neck injury.  At the time I wasn't really worried about it  but when I wake up the next morning and my right eye is shut.  I go back to another ER room on friday and spend 8 hours waiting for them to check me out and find that I have a broken bone under my right eyeball, nothing to worry about really I guess as it is a very small fracture. (thank goodness)

It is kind of wierd to watch myself react to getting hurt as the response is sometimes oppisite of what I think of myself as.  A better way to put it is by example: I enjoy yoga, hiking, cooking, reading, and meditation.  In general my typical guy friends at work comment that I'm a little on the soft side maybe even a little feminine especially since i don't have the facination with sports that they do.  But I refuse to be seen as a wuss when it comes to pain or injury.   When I think about it that while I'm very comfortable being seen as a little wierd or different, I hate being seen as weak.